Sorry vs. Thank You

There are two ways we can express our feelings after having hurt someone else, and yet they react generously. We can choose to apologize for our misdeed, or we can thank them for their kindness. Here’s why both are important.

Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash

When somebody posts something insightful, and in doing so, helps me see old habits in a new light, I think it’s worth sharing with others. As with everything else, I believe it’s important not just to repost it, but rather, to share why it is that I think it’s worth pondering.

On the topic of a post I read yesterday, there are at least two different ways we can express our feelings in the context of having done something that negatively affected someone else, for which they reacted not by scolding, shaming or abandoning us, but rather, by accommodating us, or repairing things on their own, or reacting toward us in a supporting or loving manner.

We can choose to apologize for our misdeeds, or we can thank them for their reaction. I’ll get to the post’s author shortly.

Sorry

Generally speaking, not enough of us take responsibility for our own actions when they go awry, or backfire. Most of us — if we’re honest — look for excuses, or something/someone to blame for our problems or explain what went wrong. The well-worn aphorism “Victory has a thousand fathers, while failure is an orphan” speaks to this human tendency.

Or, at least, this male tendency. More on that, below.

But some of us do own our behavior, and operate with significant integrity. In these instances, instead of looking to justify our behaviors, we take stock in the feelings of those we may have offended or hurt in the process, and apologize to them. At minimum, an acceptable apology acknowledges the wrongdoing. Better still, it should address the feelings of the person wronged. The more detail, the better. The best of them express a path toward reconciliation and prevention — as in, how to repair what we damaged, and what we plan to do to avoid a repeat performance. Said another way, we can articulate what we’ve learned from the experience.