Polite vs. Kind: Different Animals
Politeness is demanded from without. Kindness emanates from within. One is a manifestation of societal mistrust. The other is guided by a moral compass.
Yesterday, I received an email from an old work colleague in NYC. Bob is one of the kindest men I know; and while I never asked him directly, his accent suggests he’s a born-and-raised Brooklynite — one I bump into often, in the borough.
Bob had just read the piece I wrote on Civility, in which I maligned the death of chivalry and manners; and that how we treated one another wasn’t in any way about quaint formalities, but rather, it is reflective of our values, as a community or society. Moreover, I wrote, those values, enacted, are in service of “creating a better world — a place of tolerance, gratitude, kindness and connection.”
In that sense, I was contrasting authentic, values-driven kindness from the artifice of false politeness. After receiving his note, I decided to do a deeper dive into the subject.
Bob wrote to tell me that the sentiments resonated with him, as a New Yorker married to a Midwesterner. He relayed that his wife was appalled by how rude New Yorkers were, when she moved with him there after his college years in the heartland. He then…
